Post by Kerry Goode

I cheated on my wife. And I ain’t proud of it. I was lonely, bored, and vulnerable. She’s out in them streets—Target, Costco, the beauty supply store, and somehow still ends up at Chick-fil-A. Meanwhile, I’m home alone with nothing but my thoughts, my trach tube, and a remote control that’s seen more betrayal than Judas. Now before y’all start calling lawyers, pastors, and my mama, let me explain. We had a sacred agreement. A covenant. A Netflix vow. We were watching Homeland together. As in: same couch, same episode, same snacks, same emotional trauma from plot twists. Season 2. But Tanja moves slower than dial-up internet when it comes to finishing a show. If I waited on her, we’d be watching the finale from my casket with a priest saying, “He held out as long as he could.” So yes—I cheated. I binged without her. I went all the way. Season 3, 4, 5… I didn’t even use protection. No headphones. Full volume. I was reckless. When I heard the garage door open and my spirit left my body. I started scrambling to get rid of the evidence like a teenage boy hiding porn. I tried to rewind the episode, switch to ESPN, even pulled up the weather channel like I was checking for storms. But my eyes couldn’t move fast enough. My soul was guilty. My spirit was buffering. She walked in, looked at the screen, and said the words that pierced my heart: “I can’t believe you’re cheating on me.” I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar—and the cookie was halfway gone. “We had a deal!” she shouted. “We were watching it together!” I tried to explain. I tried to cry. I even tried to fake a power outage. But she wasn’t having it. She looked at me like I was the villain in a Tyler Perry movie. “You watched it without me?” she said, voice trembling like a gospel solo. “You watched it… all?” I nodded slowly. “I’m finished.” She gasped. Clutched her pearls. Walked in circles like she was trying to find the exit in her own house. She went through all the stages—denial, anger, bargaining, and then petty revenge. She threatened to start Bridgerton without me. I begged her to go ahead. I confessed everything. Told her I was lonely. That an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. That I was weak. She just stood there looking at me like I had another family in the next room. She didn’t speak to me for two days. But eventually, she forgave me. We started a new show. And this time, I promised to wait. Unless she goes to Costco again. Then all bets are off. If you’ve never cheated on a TV show, you don’t know true temptation. 😅