Post by Ian McClure

Wow, what a week It is two minutes past 12 on Sunday & I am going back to bed It feels like I have not slept for a week FND, Functional Neurological Disorder & heat do not work well together for me I have barely slept I have probably sweated my body weight, possibly twice Not clinically accurate but emotionally accurate I have tried adding potassium & magnesium into my fluids because I am sweating out salts I cannot afford to lose But despite that, it has also been a good week I kept my promise to myself I wrote every day That writing has been cathartic Some people have thanked me for my words this week & that gives me inspiration to keep speaking The algorithms do not always work in my favour But if one person feels seen, understood, or slightly less alone, that is good enough Earlier today, I went to an open gardens & classic car show Too hot for me, but good to see community coming together As a bonus, I found a family run Vietnamese street food stall & had authentic phở bò But let me take you back 2 nights Friday night into Saturday morning I was struggling badly with the heat I felt like I was melting from the inside out Then the thunderstorm came So I ran outside Just in blue Adidas shorts Still too warm Still exhausted Still wired Still wide awake Then the rain came down And I stood there, exactly like the picture Hands against the fence Rain on my back Moon above me Lightning in the sky And, obviously, the jaguar came with me Because imaginary jaguars know when a man needs company For a few minutes, we just stood there No performance No explanation No deep theory Just rain Cooling rain Beautiful rain The kind of rain that arrives after heat has pushed your body & brain to the edge AI has obviously taken artistic licence with the picture The body is a little wimpy compared with my current 56-year-old athletic magnificence A little more weightlifting & he will get there That moment in the rain was one of the highlights of my week Not a big event Just standing outside in the dark, letting the weather break Then something else happened Someone from the other side of the world read some of my posts & wrote a song More as a tribute to the jaguar than to me It made me cry on the spot in front of tourists in my little village Because somehow, after only reading a few posts, this person captured the jaguar & me with frightening accuracy That is the strange thing about writing Sometimes you think you are throwing words into the wind And then someone, somewhere, catches them This week has been brutal The heat has battered my FND The lack of sleep has worn me down My body has argued with the weather My brain needs switching off & rebooting But there has also been rain Food Community Writing Kindness A song And the jaguar Still standing beside me Still slightly confused Still wondering why we are outside in a thunderstorm wearing only Adidas shorts But still there And sometimes, that is enough