Post by Eileen Soh

My friend Beaton smelt a rat when an ex-colleague texted him out of the blue to ask how his trip to China had been. That trip was the last thing the two of them had ever talked about, two years back, so she was reaching all the way to the final thread they shared, and nobody revives a conversation that cold without a reason. Sure enough, after two short messages of small talk, she asked the real question. "I saw your firm is hiring for this role. Could you refer me?" A similar thing happened to another friend, Charlene. A young man messaged her on LinkedIn asking, "Can I buy you a coffee and pick your brain about getting into cybersecurity?" Charlene, being kind, made her way to a cafe near his office to save him the trip, and when they reached the counter she ordered. She waited for him to reach for his wallet, since he was the one who had asked to meet, but he never moved. He stood there and let her pay for both coffees. Later in the conversation he asked, "does your firm have any openings?" He wanted out of a company that he felt gave him no work-life balance. Both of them helped in the end, because they are kind and they know how much a job can mean to someone who needs one. But both came away feeling quietly used. Charlene felt it most, because the friendly opening had let her believe a real friendship was forming, so she gave the kind of effort you save for a friend, the trip across town and a generous hour of advice, before she worked out the young man had been after a job the whole time. Beaton saw his coming, so he never dropped his guard. Still, it stung to know that he was only interesting because of his access, not because of him as a person. All of this raises the question of, what is the right way to ask for a job referral? Click to read more: #Singapore #Referral #Job #Influencer #Retrenchment #LayOffs