Post by Dr Marwan Tahoun

As I approach the end of my FY1 year, I'm drawn to reflect. At work, I have had ups and downs. Moments of feeling like I know it all, since I graduated top of my cohort, and moments where I've felt completely out of my depth. These moments have been important, because medicine requires humility, which is something which the job teaches you whether you like it or not. I also reflect on the importance of ihsaan(excellence), being told I was functioning at the level of an SHO in my first week of FY1 was only a reflection of the hours I put in during medical school to make sure my patients get the absolute best from me. I've also learned to disassociate from the common mindset of 'you're just in the same job, so why try so hard' that the NHS sometimes fosters, especially since random allocation of foundation jobs was introduced. I have had people try put me down for studying so hard in medical school, because I gain no material merit from being 1st vs last graduate. This is also a year where I have been extremely productive both inside and outside the workplace. I have completed exams, founded my own business, performed research papers, mentored students, delivered teaching, and built my portfolio for my application in ophthalmology. However, like any good researcher, I need to acknowledge my limitations. My physical and spiritual health have certainly not been at their best, and a busy FY1 schedule, with rotations in orthopaedics, general surgery and acute medicine have certainly been punishing. The glamour of achievement often veils underlying shortcomings, and the importance of being a balanced human takes precedent over anything else. I look forward to starting as an SHO, by the will of Allah in August, and carrying through everything I've learnt. One thing that's true is that medicine is a lifelong learning journey, and the word salad I was vocalising during my 2019 medical school interviews about continuous development until the day you retire was actually complete and utter truth.