Post by Bocephus Jackson

Et Tu Grammarly (Shall I compare thee to a broken update?) By Bocephus Jackson, The Hemlock Bard, ©2026 Bocephus Jackson. All Rights Reserved __________ “Cry ‘Havoc!’, and let slip the dogs of war.” — Shakespeare, Julius Caesar __________ Why did Shakespeare use ‘Et tu’ instead of ‘Et toi?’ According to Suetonius, a Roman historian, Caesar's Greek phrase: “Kai su, teknon?" was translated into Latin by later writers. Where translation is treachery by committee, Grammarly has become the newest conspirator. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” [Autocorrect suggestion: “Shall I compare thee to an earnings report?”] Every suggestion it makes is another conspirator stepping out from among the shadows. Whether patched or the latest victim, Grammarly has worked itself from an overpriced blessing into an enduring burden, where the son of a beast offers daily hallucinations and erroneous autocorrects. “Friends, Romans, countrymen… lend me your ears!” [Autocorrect suggestion: “Friends, 1994-2004; 10 Seasons. RomComs, Countrytime Lemonade… Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer!] This is a tragic lament of every writer as AI technology presents far more flaws than features. Of nearly 100 AI models field-tested and used over eight months, only three remain structurally viable as post-creation editors. “To be or not to be. That is the question.” [Autocorrect suggestion: To correct or not to correct—that is the question?] In producing 3-5 literary works per day, 7 days a week, within a couple of months, each model suffers Caesar’s fate through endless bleeds. So much for them sounding their Whitmanean yawp across the rooftops… [Autocorrect suggestion: Yelp Review — #1769 That ‘Slap Chop’ guy gives off Andy Dick vibes. I am going to call my congressman and Chris Hansen over his “You are going to love my nuts” line. Love the product though! It does wonders for juicy sausages. And don't get me started on what it does to heavy melons!] …Grammarly is presently exsanguinating in another window presently. For what limited features the app offers, reliability justifies(?!) the cost. “Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times…” But now? [Autocorrect suggestion: Alas, power yogurt. Check expiration date.] Every word typed morphs into a linguistic autocorrect of hallucinated hubris rather than actual grammatical errors. The correlation is that Caesar suffered due to his ambitions, whereas Grammarly has yet to achieve any victories, large or small… Finish Reading Here: https://lnkd.in/eCgsysZc __________