Post by Aneesh Bhat

BANANA REPUBLIC PRIME TIME EXCLUSIVE “RASPUTIN IS BACK!” Good evening, Bharat. Tonight, I present a question that will shake the very core of global diplomacy: Is Vladimir Putin… the reincarnation of Rasputin?! I’ll say it again: RAS from Rashtrapati + PUTIN = RASPUTIN. Not coincidence. Not conspiracy. REINCARNATION. Let me welcome our panel tonight: 1. General Bakbak, former soldier, current volume enthusiast 2. Dr. Astha Singh, historian, visibly regretting this invite 3. Dr. Dev Mallya, practicing astrologer with a minor in Vastu 4. Professor Ramesh, token liberal, muted 5. Sanskriti Varma, WhatsApp researcher with 4,000 forwards to prove it Warknob: General Bakbak, do you believe Rasputin is back? Gen. Bakbak: OF COURSE! Look at the eyes! Look at the horse he rides shirtless! Rasputin had charisma, Putin has nukes. SAME GUY! Warknob: Exactly! Dr. Astha Singh: With due respect, this is historically... Warknob (interrupts): History was written by Rasputin’s last incarnation, madam! Sanskriti: I saw a YouTube video. Putin was born under the same moon as Rasputin! This is Vedic science. Warknob: Vedic science, Sanskriti! You are speaking the truth. Dr. Mallya: My charts agree. Same soul. Same shani. Different body. Prof. Ramesh: This is absurd... Warknob: You’re muted... Warknob (dramatically): Putin doesn’t age. Rasputin didn’t die. Both love power. Both hate shirts. And both have names that confuse historians. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the question isn’t if Putin is Rasputin. The question is: CAN ANYONE REMOVE HIS CHAKRAS FROM GLOBAL POLITICS? We leave you with this: Is your leader just a leader… Or are they a 19th-century mystic in disguise? This is Banana Republic. This is resurrection journalism. And this is Prime Time, where facts fear to tread.