Laingsburg, Michigan, United States
I have awesome ninja skills. As a result, it no longer seems likely that I will end up living in van, down by the river. I am an accomplished crisis resolution negotiator, having successfully mediated several disputes betwen parties of diverse ages and genders, bridging gaps as large as those between an 8yr old female and a 3 yr old male. I bring to the table significant physical prowess,with abilities like opening stubborn jars of pickles, carrying heavy shopping bags, reaching high shelves, and squashing deadly spiders. I can also behave myself in social situations for up to 14 minutes without the need of adult supervision, adult beverages, or physical restraints. I have mastered the skill of skills. I can not only identify, classify, enumerate, and evaluate, but also invent, propagate, and procreate new skills as needed to keep a fresh profile. I am an accomplished project manager with a firm grasp of the obvious. My doctoral thesis showed definitively that 9 women cannot make a baby in 1 month. Of course these results were retained as confidential research output, which explains why our bosses seem not to know this axiom. I am an expert in non-profits. I have an extensive (criminal) record of converting companies to non-profitability and I would be delighted to do the same for your company. I am available immediately upon my release. Favorite Causes: - Athletics. I am a huge athletic supporter Interests: - Reality Football. WTF are you sissies doing talking about and betting on imaginary sporting events? Pet Peeves: - AntiSocial Media. Listen up, no one cares about your fancy dinner plate or extravagant vacation except the robbers who are at your house right now while you gloat in a classless fashion about the horrible financial decision you just made.
Crusading to ensure that the short, fat, slow,clumsy, and even ginger-white boys who dream it can do it. If you know what it takes to succeed in the NBA, and you know you'll never have it, give us a call. We'll put you at starting forward, pay you 120% of league average, and show the world how enlightened we really are. Opportunities are also available for those wishing to experience the WNBA, no surgery required. A quick pronoun swap is all it takes and you too can see the world, including the inside of Eastern block penal confinements. Join us today!
Feeling left out because the Weiners and Weinsteins of the world aren't paying any attention to you?Acting career need a boost? Bored by the lack of anything to get all aggrieved about? Has it been so long you can't remember the last time you felt triggered enough to go fetal in your safe space? Maybe you're just sick and tired of going out and only meeting nice, wholesome, honest guys. Or perhaps you just really want to meet Gloria Allred. Whatever your need, let us help you become relevant again in this age of social indignance. We have slimeballs, scuzzbuckets, pervs, lechers, and even prominent newsmen on staff and ready to assist you with your FOMO on this juggernaut trend. Good Looks? Bad Looks? No looks at all? If we can't get you harrassed, nobody can. We're so confident we can find you a left wing hypocrite to misbehave around you, that if we fail to offend you within 30 days, it's free! How's that for a guarantee, Toots?
Big Howdy to all, long time, no harass! Old G-dub has a new card in the case! Ya heard it here first, but don't let word get out! I has me a contractin' license! Yep, TSContracting is now lining up all kinds of awesome work opportunities doing super cool stuff like raking rocks out of grass, filling potholes, spreading some of that great Fertilizer Specialties stuff from our sister company, Agri-Vations, maybe even cleaning a gutter here and there! We might get to plow some more snow or cleanup after an ice storm, and we darn sure are gonna do some garden weeding when nobody is looking! And, ( this is top secret but I'll let you in on it) I am 100% certain I will personally be doing some painting with actual paint and real brushes. Yep, right out in the beautiful summer warmth and relaxing ultraviolet radiation of that big Michigan Noonday sun. Now, officially, my title is Director of Human Resource Acquisition, but this is highly testical work, for which the average candidate is woefully unqualified, so I'll prolly get to keep all the most funnest parts of the jobs for myself. I might have to farm out help for the boring stuff, like eatin lunch and getting paid, but the rest is all mine! Yep, nobody but old GW gets to enjoy the thrill of spreading that stuff around. I am by far the most selective recruiter you will ever meet and I doubt a single one of you sorry pukes will ever amount to enough to be considered for the honor of trying one of the many great challenges and rewarding opportunities I've got saved up just for me. No-siree, these plum opportunities are likely all locked up for lucky fellers like me, so don't even bother beggin to try it yourself. That is, unless you think you can wear me down with bribes and favors. But, I warn you, I'm pretty selfish when it comes to having fun like paintin', so maybe you all better just plan on being allowed to watch me do it once, cuz I really doubt I'm gonna wanna share the fun with y'all.
Ruud In-Sulting is poised to become the newest offshoot of the GW family of fine companies. Kind of the retarded jackass brother-in-law, really. Regular clients will recognize the general contempt we at The Busches tend to exhibit toward traditional consulting services. Ruud is our answer to folks who want someone to talk to without the CON inherent in mainstream consultancy. Combining the trend toward in-sourcing and our love of being crass, we can now serve you with a representative to make a mockery of your "serious" business right to your face.......for a large fee, of course! Contact GW directly for complimentary samples and an initial CONsultation.